Statue Man Meets The Cardinal


Dan and Will stand in a line of their peers, wearing blue blazers, white khaki’s, and brown loafers. Their hands are clasped in prayer as they slowly move up the aisle toward the pulpit.

Will: Okay, Dude, remember how we practiced?
Dan: Will, I nervous, Will.
Will: There’s nothing to be nervous about.
Dan: He not my priest.
Will: I know. He’s your Cardinal.
Dan: Not mine. He a stranger.
Will: You’ll meet him up there and then he won’t be a stranger anymore. He’s here to confirm us.
Dan: Why?
Will: He has that power.
Dan: Why?
Will: Because that’s one of his functions, along with electing a new Pope.
Dan: Why?
Will: Because, in the Catholic Church, Cardinals are appointed by the Pope and the Pope is elected by the Cardinals.
Dan: Why?
Will: I don’t know. That’s just how it works. Not much of a system, really. Listen, just act religious and look serene.

Dan and Will reach the Cardinal.
Dan steps up to the plate first.
Dan notices the Cardinal is wearing a red beanie.

Dan: He Jewish? (pronounced Goo-ish)


Statue Man Saves His Brother


Dan Drinker walks alone down the hall like he owns the place.
Mrs. Overcash spots him.

Mrs. O: Daniel, where are you going all by yourself?
Dan: Bathroom.
Mrs. O: Does your aide know that?
Dan: Yes, Overcash.

Dan continues down the hall.


Will sits on the toilet in the furthest stall from the door.
Tommy and Bobby enter and use the urinels.
Tommy looks under the stall and sees Will’s feet.

Tommy: Carpo is that you? Taking a dump at school again?!
Bobby: Don’t have a john at home, Carpo?

The boys begin wetting toilet paper in the sink and launching it into Will’s stall.
Will ducks as the wads stick to the wall of the stall.

Bobby: Don’t you know how dirty these bathrooms are?
Tommy: Yeah, gross! You’d be better off shitting yourself again.

Dan enters the bathroom.

Dan: Bad word.
Tommy: Dan the man!
Dan: You say bad word.
Tommy: I know, I know. I’m sorry, Dan. How about this… you don’t tell on me for cursing and I won’t tell on you for this.

Tommy places a wad of toilet paper in each of Dan’s hands.
Bobby points under the stall.
Dan bends down and looks beneath the stall.
Will is already bent down staring back and Dan with his finger to his mouth “Shhh”
Dan puts his finger to his mouth and smiles.

Tommy: Come on, Dan!
Bobby: Yeah, do it! Teach him a lesson for not being able to hold it!

Dan throws the first wad at Tommy and the second at Bobby.

Tommy: What are you doing you retard? I said throw it at Levi!
Bobby: I’m going to tell your teacher.

Dan grabs more wads from the sink and continues his assault on the boys.

Tommy: Stop, Dan!
Bobby: Alright, you asked for it…

The toilet flushes and Will appears from the stall.

Will: If you lay one finger on him I’ll make sure you don’t play football til summer camp.
Bobby: Drinker? Dude, we thought you were Levi Carpo.
Will: Well, I’m not.
Bobby: I know you have stomach problems. We really thought you were Levi.
Will: And what if I was Levi?
Tommy: Lets get out of here. They’re nothing but freaks, anyway.

Tommy and Bobby exit.

Dan: He say bad word.
Will: I know. You know throwing is bad, too?
Dan: Yes, but you my brother.
Will: Thanks, dude. Come on, I’ll walk you back to class.
Dan: I gotta pee.
Will: Oh. Right.

Are YOU an artist? If you'd like to contribute to The Adventures of Statue Man just send us an e-mail. Maybe you know Dan and have the perfect story to share. Maybe you don't know Dan but want to express your creativity and illustrate a scene I've already written. Let's get to work, people! Daniel Drinker is no longer limited to a single medium!


Dan's Last Day of High School

Chronologically speaking, this scene follows Coping With Death and Discussing Dan's Transition. If you haven't seen those, I suggest you do before you check out this one because you'll have more context.

Click Here to watch this scene on You Tube

Plymouth Whitemarsh high school was Dan's world. He loved going to school. When he was ill he would hide his symptoms and feign health in order to attend class. In 2005, Dan's friends and classmates graduated. He stayed at PW one more year because he could stay in public school until he turned 21. Therefore, in 2006, all his friends began college while he attended high school one final year. At the Class of '06 PW Picnic, he really only knew the faculty and staff. Had it been the Class of '05 Picnic, he would have been the star of the show. After all, they'd voted him king of several of their dances. Dan made due at the '06 picnic, of course. Once he was able to obtain his yearbook he found a way to fit right in.

Click to enlarge


Statue Man - Girl's Bag

A few months ago I called for artists to volunteer their talents so that together we could begin to visualize a series of comics I'd written about Dano Mano. There are just too many good stories others have told me or I simply wasn't able to film. Thankfully, a designer named Aram Fresh contacted me. He and I have never met but we share in common a love for Dan the Man. I sent him the script for the episode above and his work speaks for itself. It is moments such as this when I marvel at the communicative and collaborative power of the internet. Thanks so much, Aram. I'm sure our viewers will thank you for getting the ball rolling on this new facet of our project.

Speaking of which... are YOU an artist? If you'd like to contribute to The Adventures of Statue Man just send us an e-mail. Maybe you know Dan and have the perfect story to share. Maybe you don't know Dan but want to express your creativity and illustrate a scene I've already written. Let's get to work, people! Daniel Drinker is no longer limited to a single medium!


Statue Man vs. Sammy Weak

The Adventures of Statue Man - Episode 2

Present day: Will and his friend Sam are walking.

Sam: One time, when Dan and I were in 5th grade, Mrs. Meyer’s class.
Will: Right…
Sam: Dan wanted to arm wrestle…

Cut To: Mrs. Meyer’s class room.

Dan and Sam sit next to each other. They are both nine years old.

Dan: Come on, Sam.
Sam: I don’t know, Dan. I’m pretty strong.
Dan: I stronger!
Sam: Alright… but I’m warning you.

They lock arms and begin to arm wrestle. Sam narrates while they fight it out.

Sam’s Narration: Naturally, I let him win. I knew if I beat him I’d never hear the end of it.

Dan beats Sam. Classmates cheer.

Dan: Sammy Weak!
Sam: Nice job Dan, I guess you were right!
Dan: I strong, Sammy Weak!
Student 1: Haha! Sammy Weak!
Dan: Yeah!
Student 2: Sammy Weak!

“Sammy Weak” catches on throughout the classroom.

Sam sits quietly, trying to keep his cool.

Cut back to the present: Will and Sam walking and talking.

Sam: From then on, I was known as “Sammy Weak”.
Will: I never heard about this.
Sam: It lasted for the entire year.
Will: Well, you know… I mean, Dan didn’t know that would happen.
Sam: Oh no. I give him more credit than that. He knew exactly what he was doing.


A Great American

Dan is having a great fall season so far. The Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series, he dressed as Ryan Howard for Halloween, and Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States. Dan lives in Pennsylvania and I live in California so he called me this morning to make sure I knew Barack won. I asked him how he felt,
“I’m so happy, Will. He’s my man.”
Dan has an elegant way of summing things up. Honestly, what more could my brother have said? It is a truly happy and historic day and whether you voted for him or not, he is our man for the next four years. Barack has been Dan’s man long before he was mine, or anyone in our family’s. During the primary between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama we lived in a split household, right down the gender line. Years before that, Barack gave a speech at the 2004 DNC and Dan made a note of how sharp he was.

Today is a day of celebration for many reasons but I would like to celebrate my brother’s extraordinary achievement as a citizen of this great nation. After countless You Tubers have insisted Dan should not be allowed to vote, that me or my family are dictating his vote, or that he’s simply too stupid to vote (the latter comments always coming from those who have worse grammar than Dan) I feel compelled to shout “NO!”

Dan Drinker is a man of his own volition, a proud American whose sense of responsibility and duty called him to participate in this election in every way he could. If you’ve spent even five minutes watching him in action you’ll know that the only reason he’s been so committed to this election is because he wants to be. I wish to celebrate his patriotism.
Dan watched all the debates, he voted in the Pennsylvania primary, he saw Barack speak at Penn State University, he endorsed his candidacy right here on his website, and he voted for him in the general election. Yesterday he called to tell me he just voted for “Barack Obama and his friend Joe Biden”. Today after gushing about our new president he insisted I post something today. So here I am. I explained that’d be difficult since the scenes I’ve been working on don’t really speak to the election. He said, “I don’t care, Obama won”. So, let us celebrate that we live in a country that allows a 23 year-old man with Down syndrome to have a voice in the most important election of his lifetime.

Dan has always been an excellent judge of character. Whenever a new friend comes to our house, Dan finds a way to test their personality and reveal who they really are. He understands that he is special and always cleverly determines if you can handle it. You could call Dan the litmus test of our household in a way. If he doesn’t like someone, it’s usually for a very fundamental reason that no one can ignore. If he loves someone, they usually deserve it. I’m not kidding. When I would bring a girl home and she failed the Dan test, there was no turning back. There is no alternative to Dan Drinker’s approval. Maybe that’s why I try so hard to impress him.

So maybe Dan doesn’t know all of the policies being debated, or the solution to the current financial crisis, or whether we’ll go to war with Iran but neither do I and neither do you. Dan voted with his heart. Dan cares and he tries. He tries very hard. For that, I believe he should be commended. Equal opportunity is nothing more than an opportunity. Because he seizes the opportunity, Dan Drinker is a great American.